


leave me your stardust to remember you by

by monellez



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers (2012), Denial, Established Relationship, Idiots in Love, Insecure Tony Stark, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Self-Esteem Issues, Tony Feels, Tony-centric, seriously just communicate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-09-23 05:24:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20334784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monellez/pseuds/monellez
Summary: Tony honestly thought that realizing that Loki is the love of his life and that he's ready to marry him would end in him finally getting a break.He doesn't even get the opportunity to ask before he finds out that Loki is leaving Midgard.Somehow, he is not even surprised; life always did manage to take away his happiness.





	1. Chapter 1

Nobody could deny that Tony Stark had an unusual past couple of years.

Between becoming Iron Man, defending New York against an unhinged wannabe god, and then living with said god. Tony Stark had been busier than ever. That is without even counting his responsibilities at Stark Industries, the whole usual Avengers business and just overall drama that seemed determined to follow him.

Despite all this, however, Tony was actually quite content with his current life. Hell, he could even say that he was happy for once.

He didn’t expect to find said happiness from Loki of all people- or god he supposed. However, as things went, Tony was the happiest he had been in… Well forever really and he was willing to fight for it. He and Loki had started dating for almost two years and despite the initial hesitance they both had, it soon became clear that they clicked in a way that neither of them had imagined possible prior to their meeting. And Tony knew that this was it for him. Loki understood him in a way that no one else had and managed to surprise him and challenge him in new ways every day. 

Tony Stark was in love and he was going to be damned if he fucked this up. 

Which was how he ended in Thor's floor wanting to ask him about Asgardian marriage proposal rituals- he only had one shot at this and he was going to do this right.

As he approached Thor’s floor, Tony felt himself hesitate. Asking Thor about Asgardian marriage proposals meant that Thor would know his intentions before Loki, and he didn’t know how Loki would feel about it. Loki and Thor’s relationship had… improved over the years, but there was still a lot of unsolved issues that needed to be fixed. 

There was also the fact that Tony didn’t know how Thor would react. Although he didn’t particularly care about Thor’s approval, he didn’t want Thor to ruin his plans in any way. Thor wasn’t exactly subtle and Tony really didn’t want the surprise to be ruined. 

But, if he was going to marry him, Loki deserved the best proposal possible and, as much as he hated admitting it, he didn’t know what Loki would even expect from a marriage proposal. There had already been many misunderstandings concerning what was expected from a “courtship” and Tony was ready to avoid any more of those for as long as possible. He didn’t need a repeat of those incidents, thank you very much. 

With more determination as he remembered his goal, Tony entered Thor’s floor. "Hey Point Break," Tony said with confident steps. Thor greeted him with a bright smile which was a good start.

"Tony! The voice said that you would be arriving soon. Come, my friend! What brings you here?" Thor asked as he put his arm around Tony’s shoulder pulling him further into the living room area. “Do you come to toast for yet another well-fought battle and the triumph of victory?” 

Tony had actually forgotten they went on a mission the day before. It wasn’t that impressive in Tony’s opinion, merely a small operation against a rather insignificant base of Hydra, and calling it a “triumph” might have been an overstatement considering that they hadn’t found anything particularly useful but he wasn’t about to ruin Thor’s perceived win. “Maybe another time, buddy.” He said pulling Thor’s arm away from him. Thor was a nice guy and all, but he needed to learn about personal space. "Actually… I come to talk about Loki," Tony smiled and hoped it didn't look as nervous as he actually felt. Thor's eyes brightened and he nodded knowingly.

"Aye! He told you then? I must agree, these are the most glorious news!” Thor’s smile widened even more. “I am gladdened Loki is finally returning home."

"Yeah, that's great- wait what?" Tony stopped because _what was Thor talking about?_

It was Thor's turn to be confused, "I'm not sure what you mean." Thor looked hesitant, which was a strange look on him, "Has Loki not told you yet? I was sure that you would be the first person to know taking into consideration"- he made a motion with his hands- "your relationship to each other."

Yeah, no. Tony had no idea what Thor was talking about but he was not about to admit that. "Yeah, of course, I know. I was just surprised that you were… so excited about it." That was the wrong thing to say if Thor's sudden thunderous expression was anything to go by.

"Why would I be anything but happy that my brother is finally going home to Asgard where he belongs?" Ok, the wrong answer would probably get him with at least sixteen broken bones- wait Loki was leaving?

"Loki is going back to Asgard?" Tony couldn't help but ask. He must have heard wrong because there was no way-

"Aye. Now that his banishment to Midgard has ended, Father has ordered Loki to go back in order to officially free him of his obligations here and end his banishment." Thor looked at Tony carefully, "Did Loki not mentioned that?"

"No, he didn't." Tony couldn't even muster the energy to lie. He felt like the world around him was spinning. He didn't know what to say. He simply turned around and headed towards his lab, "I need to go. See ya around, Thor." Which was he even going to? For all he knew Thor would also be returning to Asgard now that Loki was leaving.

Leaving.

The word didn't even feel real to him anymore. Though nothing really felt real. He felt hysteria bubbling in his chest. This morning he felt ready to commit to a lifetime with Loki and now he found out that he would get- what even? He didn't even know how much more time with Loki he would get. If he didn't feel so numb he would have laughed at that. Of course, it was now that he was finally happy that it was getting taken away from him.

When he finally reached the lab, he collapsed into the floor and tried to calm his breath. He ignored JARVIS' concerned questions and batted DUM-E away. He didn't want to deal with anyone right now. He wanted- he wanted Loki. _ Even if he doesn't love you enough to stay, _ Tony thought bitterly and immediately felt guilty. 

This was what Loki had been waiting for ever since he arrived to Midgard; he should be happy for him. He recalled the longing way that Loki spoke about his mother and the golden streets of Asgard. There was no way that Loki would remain happy here for long. This was just… Temporary. Why stay here when he could return to being a prince back at his home. Because that's what Thor had called it and it was right. Asgard was Loki's home, not Earth and certainly not him. He couldn't even pale in comparison. 

_ But Loki had seemed happy here _ , a treacherous part of his brain said. But he was just projecting, wasn't he? Loki had probably left as soon as he heard he could go back. He hadn't even told _ Tony _. He had to find out through Thor of all people.

Tony loved Loki and that meant that he could be mature about it. He truly did want Loki to be happy and if that meant that he wouldn't see him anymore… That was fine. He could smile and show support while keeping his breaking heart at bay. What mattered most was Loki's happiness. It was _fine_.

He didn't know for how long he just sat looking numbly at nothing. When he heard the distinct sound of someone entering, he didn't even turn around. He could recognize that district sound of footsteps anywhere.

"Anthony, what is wrong? JARVIS told me that you were in need of assistance but would not tell me what happened." Loki sounded alarmed and once Tony turned his face, Loki's brows were frowning, and his lips were pursed the way they did when he was worried. His eyes darted around searching for danger but, once he found that they were safe, he looked at Tony's eyes and his eyes soften. 

Loki got down to Tony's level and reached towards Tony's face to caress his cheek in comfort. "Anthony, my love, please talk to me." The words were barely a whisper but they held so much comfort.

The touch grounded Tony and helped him get the words out. "Thor just told me. You're leaving?" He tried to sound casual but, if Loki's frown was anything to go by, he had failed. He took a deep breath and tried to keep going, "I- I'm really happy for you, Loki, I know how much you've been wanting to go back home. I mean, I’ll miss you obviously. But now you can finally go back to Asgard like you wanted and actually be happy!” He even managed a smile, Tony felt proud of that achievement considering the circumstances. Loki's hands stilled.

“Anthony, I'm-” But Tony didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want Loki to confirm all his fears and crush him even more. So, Tony stood up and moved away from where Loki was. He couldn’t look at him. 

“These are great news! We should celebrate, hell, we could throw a going away party. Does Asgard have those? If not, they’re missing out." He kept going, even as he heard Loki approaching him again. “Though parties aren’t really your scene. We could probably organize something more in your taste like um-” He didn’t get any farther than that as Loki roughly turned him around.

“Anthony. What are you talking about?” Loki’s eyes stared at him. There was something uncertain in them that he hadn’t seen in a long time. 

“I mean, you’re going back to Asgard, right? With your banishment and atonement here on Earth done, there’s really no reason for you to stay.”_ not even me _. A calm acceptance ran through him. Because, yes, this was fine. This was how it was always going to end. 

“Is that what you think?” Loki’s stare had gotten sharper, but the tone for the question was odd. Was that a tremble in his voice? No, that was Tony projecting. He had to stop doing that.

“Well, I mean, isn't there? The only people you really hang out with are Thor and me, and Thor will probably go to Asgard with you.” He paused because, as much as it hurt him, he knew that Loki didn’t share the feelings he did, “I will miss our relationship and all but it was just two years,”- _ and what are two years to an immortal god right? _-“I mean this was just temporary, wasn’t it?”

Loki’s eyes became colder then and Tony missed the warmth in them immediately. Loki simply stared at Tony for a moment before nodding, “Right.” The confirmation hurt, but he forced a wider smile.

“Well then, we do need to at least celebrate before you leave. Nothing has to change until then, so we can still have plenty of fun.” He winked at the end. Maybe he was a masochist, but he wanted to enjoy the time they had left together and pretend that everything was fine. “JARVIS save the date for- actually when are you leaving again?” 

The question caused Loki to hesitate for a moment before he gave Tony a tight smile. “I am not certain. The All-Father has not set any date so it seems I shall remain here for an undetermined amount of time.”

The answer both pleased and frustrated Tony. He was happy that Loki could potentially stay for longer than he initially expected, but he didn’t want to deal with the uncertainty. But, he was selfish so he decided to ignore that their relationship now had an end date and make do with the time they did have, “Then we should have as much fun as possible until then.” He wiggled his eyebrows and hoped to ease the tension that had grown in the room.

Loki matched his look with a smirk of his own, “we should.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Loki lunged forward to kiss him. It was rougher than usual but Tony melted into it and matched him. 

Their movements felt more robotic than usual but Tony couldn’t seem to care. He was happy with this. He would enjoy whatever was left of their relationship and cherish those memories forever. Whatever happened after didn’t matter right now. It was fine. He was happy with this. He really was.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony and Loki need to communicate and everyone knows this except for them.

“Are you sure that’s what he meant?” Rhodey’s voice rang through the phone.

Tony sighed. They’ve been talking for almost an hour and he was getting tired of explaining this over and over again. It was bad enough to be living through it, he didn't need to hear the disbelief of others too.

“No Rhodey, I just imagined hearing that the love of my life is leaving to Asgard and I’ve been miserable for the past month for no reason,” he deadpanned in the phone as he rubbed his temple.

“Tony… It just sounds like you guys haven’t been communicating much ever since you heard the news. Maybe there’s more to the story than what you’re thinking.” Rhodey’s voice was softer and held too much sympathy. Tony hated it. Besides, he and Loki were doing fine. Amazing even.

Ever since he discovered about Loki’s plan of returning to Asgard and they, like responsible adults, decided to not let this fact affect their relationship until Loki left, things between them have been good. Sure, maybe he was spending more time with Loki than was necessary or healthy, but Loki wasn’t complaining and, if anything, seemed to encourage it. 

There may have also been a bit too many longing looks pointed at Loki when the other wasn’t paying attention and maybe he had started looking at Loki when he was sleeping to make sure that he was still there, but well, no one had to know about that.

“Rhodey. I told you. It is how it is. There’s nothing to change about it and it’s fine. Really.” Tony repeated.

Rhodey hesitated, “I just find it hard to believe that he would just leave like that. I may not like the guy but he really seemed to care about you.” 

The thing was, Loki really did care about him. It was impossible to miss with the way that Loki treated him and looked at him in their everyday life. But just because Loki cared about him and liked him enough to be in a relationship with, it didn’t mean that Loki _ loved _ Tony. At least not in the way that Tony did.

Before, he had truly thought that he did. That even if they didn’t say it aloud- there had been no need because it was unspoken and they both just _ knew _how the other felt-they had loved each other. Now, Tony realized that he was just hoping for too much. Being too needy and arrogant like usual. But well, hindsight is twenty-twenty.

“Enough. Look, I get where you’re coming from but it’s not going to change anything. Maybe you can be in denial and think of all these what-ifs, but I can’t. I just have to accept it and live with it. I’ll be fine. Really, I will. But I don’t want to talk about it. Not now.” Tony heard a sigh from the other side of the phone.

“Sorry, Tones. For what it’s worth, Loki is an idiot for thinking like that.” Tony snorted. If someone was a fool, it was him for thinking he could finally be happy. How unrealistic.

* * *

Breakfast with the team was even more awkward than usual. It was not uncommon for some drama to make breakfast awkward. However, usually whatever was causing the tension got resolved in a few days. Now, however, the cause for the tense silence and the glaring had been going for almost a month and everyone was ready for it to be over. Luckily, Tony was not at fault for this conflict. If he was, Natasha might have threatened him already. Nope, the conflict was between the two residents Norse gods.

The relationship between Loki and Thor had become tense ever since the day announcement. When Tony had asked Loki about it, he had merely waved his hand and growled that “the oaf was talking about things that didn’t concern him.” Loki had glared at everything for the next couple hours and had taken a lot of coaxing to get him out of his mood. After that, Tony decided to let him resolve his family issues himself. He obviously didn’t want Tony interfering and really, it wasn’t his business.

Or so, Tony would have liked to believe.

It would have been easier to believe it really _ wasn’t _his business if Thor didn’t now give him weary looks whenever he was in the room and was actively trying to avoid him. It also didn’t help that whenever he was in the room with both Loki and Thor, Loki looked ready to fight Thor if he even dared to look at Tony. 

Honestly, the possessiveness had been entertaining at first but now it was just tiring. He thought about broaching the subject with Loki but then he remembered that Loki was leaving soon anyway so there really was no reason to bother with it.

Point being, Tony liked to think this whole new tension between Loki and Thor didn’t concern him but it was obvious to everyone that it did. Even the other Avengers had asked him about it- some more accusing than others- but in the end, he really didn’t know what exactly had been the cause. He couldn't help but feel a bit guilty about it, though, it didn’t bother him as much as he would have imagined.

Bruce sighed next to him, interrupting his thoughts, “I’m tired of this cold war between you two” -he pointed at Thor and Loki- “it’s starting to affect the rest of the team. I feel that we, as a group, agree that this has gone for long enough. Either talk to each other and come with an agreement or leave and stop making group activities awkward.”

Loki kept glaring at Thor and Thor kept giving him a weary look. After Bruce cleared his throat to make the message clear, Loki stood up, clearly intending to leave. He gave Tony a look that said _ are you coming or not? _ , Tony rolled his eyes and shook his head in a way that clearly stated _ I’m staying here. You either talk and fix whatever is going between you two or go by yourself. _Loki frowned but with a dramatic sigh, turned towards Thor.

After intensifying his glare, he nodded, “fine, let’s talk.” He drawled, looking at Thor and turning away. Thor looked pensive but went towards the elevator with a small smile.

Tony hoped that everything would go alright. 

* * *

Everything did _ not _ go alright.

Everyone finished eating, but there was no sight of either Thor or Loki. It had been more than half an hour since they both left and Tony was getting worried. 

Ok, maybe it hadn’t been that long ago but an upset Loki and Thor alone together for a prolonged amount of time usually ended with some broken walls (and bones in one occasion.) So, really, he was just taking care of his tower, and making sure no one got hurt in the process. Even if JARVIS said that the tower was not in any sort of danger, things could change quickly and he needed to be there in case someone had to intervene. It had nothing to do with him being curious.

As he entered Loki’s living area, he realized how barren it was. His first thought was that it was because maybe Loki had started packing but he soon realized that most of Loki’s things were back at his penthouse now. He didn’t remember the last time that Loki slept in his own floor actually. Huh.

“My relationship with Anthony has nothing to do with you.” He stopped short at Loki’s icy tone. He was expecting some shouting between the two,maybe some destroyed furniture. He did not expect, however, to be the topic of conversation. And what was Thor’s problem with their relationship? He had been overjoyed by it when he first heard about it. Why did it bother him now that it was going to be over soon?

Tony decided in that second that he needed answers. Answers that Loki wasn’t providing. 

“It does if it’s the reason why you’re in a self-imposed exile. Loki, just come home. Father has already forgiven you.”

“I do not care if Odin sees me fit to return. I am not going back.”

“You’re being ridiculous. I do not understand what you are trying to accomplish but this has gone on for far too long.” Thor’s voice was resolute. After a tense pause, Thor started again, “I know that you wish to return as well. I do not know what Tony is doing that is stopping you but I won’t allow him to keep you here against your will.”

“Anthony is not doing anything of that sort.” Loki’s tone was icy once again, “Get out. I’m tired of this conversation.”

“Brother-”

“Get. Out.” There was a pause in which there was pure silence.

“Brother,” He started but stopped with a sigh, “Please at least consider it. Mother wishes to see you again.” Tony could hear Thor’s heavy footsteps going his way. And, fuck, where was he supposed to hide. Before Tony could decide, Thor turned the corner and saw him leaning on the wall. Eavesdropping. Not good.

“Anthony?” Thor’s confused voice rang in the room. It looked like he was about to say more, but he looked back and shook his head instead. With one last frowning look at Tony, he kept walking away. His shoulders were down and he looked defeated. Tony felt kinda bad for the guy. He saw him walk away until he left through the elevator. 

When Tony turned around once again, he was greeted with Loki’s unimpressive stare.

“Really? Eavesdropping?” Loki sounded so disappointed in him, and, perhaps a little mad, but Tony didn’t care about it now. He felt his brain rewinding that conversation and thinking of everything that had occurred in the past month and it didn’t make any sense because if he understood the conversation right then-

“You could have gone back to Asgard all this time?” Tony could not believe his ears. If Loki had been able to go back home all this time, then why had he stayed? And why did Thor believe he was responsible for it? It didn’t make any sense. 

“Anthony… I’m sorry.” Loki gave Tony a rueful smile. “I know that for you this relationship is nothing more than a short-term fling but... I’ve been selfish and taking advantage of you by pretending it’s more.” He closed his eyes as if the admittance pained him. “I know that it was wrong and I want to apologize but … I can’t seem to regret it if it meant getting to spend more time with you.” After passing a glance at Tony to gauge at his reaction and Tony not responding, a fleeting look of hurt crossed his face and Loki turned away. “Perhaps it is better if I do leave. I never meant to make you uncomfortable. Goodbye, my Anthony.”

Before he could think of anything to say, Tony stopped Loki by gripping his arm. Loki froze but did make any sound of protest. Tony knew that he had to say something but… he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Not when it meant that Loki loved him. Not when it could mean that Loki loved him as much as Tony loved him. Because if he allowed himself to believe and he was wrong, it would destroy him. But if there was any chance that he was right then he had to take the risk because Loki was worth the risk.

“I love you,” the words spilled out of his mouth before he could stop himself. “I love you so much it hurts to think of you ever not being by my side. Please don’t leave.” The _ please don’t leave me _was implied.

Loki turned so fast that Tony barely had any time to react before he was being embraced with Loki’s face resting in his neck. “And I love you as well.” The words were spoken softly next to his ear. “I love you in a way that I’ve never loved anyone in my life. I don’t want to ever let you go.” The embrace tightened and, for a brief moment, the world felt at peace and Tony felt that for the first time in a month, he could breathe.

Neither seemed to want to let go, however, after some time passed, Loki existentially pulled back. “We probably need to talk about this… misinterpretation of our intentions.”

“We probably should.” Tony agreed with a grimace. That was the last thing he wanted to do at the moment. But, if it would help their relationship, Tony could deal with it. If everything went well, they could go back to cuddling later. The two of them moved from their position and walked towards the couches in the living area. After a brief pause, they sat next to each other.

“So,” Tony paused, he didn’t know where to start. He decided to start with something safe, “You’re not going to Asgard?” Loki hesitated, so maybe it wasn't a safe topic after all.

“If you don’t want me to then I won’t.” Loki said resolutely, “I love you, Anthony and I don’t want to lose you over something such as that.” Tony felt something in him lose hope again.

“But you want to, right? Go back to Asgard, I mean.” Again Loki hesitated.

“I would like to return, but not if it means losing you.” Loki took his hand and caressed it. “I wasn’t planning on leaving Midgard permanently. Not as long as you were here.” He amended in the end, “Although, you’re right that I did plan on leaving for some time. There were people I wanted to… see again” Huh, Tony didn’t think there was anyone Loki was close to in Asgard. He mentioned not having any close friends and only confiding in Fri-- And now Tony felt like a dick. Loki missed his mother and hadn’t been able to see her because Tony told him that they would break up when he left. Whoops.

“Loki, of course, you can go back to Asgard and visit whoever you want. I would never stop you from that.” Though he kinda already had and he felt like shit for it. Loki wasn’t blaming him for it, however, so maybe it wasn’t completely his fault. 

His words seemed to help Loki. He left an inhale of breath and smiled at Tony. “I know that now, Anthony.” His face sobered soon after. “Why did you assume I would leave you then? Did I do something that made you not trust our relationship?” He looked hurt by the thought.

“No!” Tony denied before Loki got any ideas, “I didn’t! Heck, I was so sure of our relationship that I-” He cut himself short because he didn’t want Loki to find out like this, but Loki was giving him his full attention so he couldn’t lie right now. “I was so sure of our relationship that I wanted to ask you to, you know, do it right and make it permanent and all that stuff” Tony’s voice became softer by the end.

It was quiet. Loki’s mouth parted and he looked at Tony like he couldn’t believe what he heard. Tony was about to include some _ it’s no big deal if you didn’t want to _when Loki finally responded, “Anthony, forgive me if I’m wrong but when you said you wanted to make it permanent, did you mean it as in marriage?”

“Yeah, well, I mean, it’s-”

“I would have said yes.” Tony’s brain shut off. Loki would have said yes. Loki felt the same way. He would have said yes.

“Wait, would have?” Tony started in a joking manner. He knew what Loki meant, and Loki knew he knew if his eye roll was anything to go back.

“Now I think we should work on our communication a bit more before making that commitment,” Loki responded equally as playful, the serious undertones weren’t lost to Tony though.

“Well, can’t say you’re wrong about that.” 

They still had a lot to work on and they obviously had much more to discuss. But they could do that at another date. What mattered was that they would do it together, and, instead of bottling everything in, perhaps Tony would talk with Loki before jumping to decisions as fast.

And, once things went back to normal, and their communication was stronger, then perhaps Tony could ask Loki the right way. Now that he knew that Loki would say yes anyway, the prospect of asking was much less daunting and more exciting. 

Things were not perfect yet, but they would be fine. And this time, he actually meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for space G3: "Ooooops?"
> 
> Sorry for taking so long to post this chapter! Between starting college again and my dog needing surgery, it's been a busy couple of weeks. I originally intended to add some other scenes but it already took me a long time to post this so this will have to do. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it, even though it's not my best work. I'm really excited to post the rest of my wips for this bingo! Frostiron is so fun to write for.

**Author's Note:**

> This was for the Frostiron Bingo Round 1. It fills the square B3 with the prompt: "(Character) just told me. You're leaving?"
> 
> This was originally only a chapter-long but it took a life of its own so now it's two chapters long and more dramatic than originally expected. I don't know if I'm content with this chapter but I guess this is as good as it will get because I have so many works in progress in my drive that I want to work in too.
> 
> Stay tuned for these two being idiots and a lot of (unnecessary) pining.


End file.
